Let me spit!!!

A fire stroke

2012-02-05T11:11:00.000-08:00

You touched me
finally …
Pulling me deep down
into your world of magic ..
Esoteric, I felt all around …
Romantic, I felt inside …

It’s been long …
that I felt anything like it …

My gratitude will be paid
with my love and not in anyway ..
That I promise,
for I know that’s what even you are longing for !

Remorse

2010-05-15T05:40:00.000-07:00

A lump in my throat,
My sleepless nights,
Tiresome eyes and a blurred vision.

Lying on my back,
My restless hands,
White ceiling stretching nowhere.

Too many gushing thoughts in my mind
My intimate emotions,
Heavy heart pulling deep into the earth.

Blank papers floating around,
My black gel ink pen,
Invisible words casting ghostly shadows.

‘It’s been months’, I thought.
Turned around and exploded my tears.
‘It’s been hours’, I sighed.
Stood up and wiped my tears.
Glanced over the room and was tormented.

None could share the grief,
And they just call it a ‘Writer’s Block!’

Lanka Restored

2009-10-02T11:05:00.000-07:00

Tiger shot dead.
Everything came to an end.
Finally! Tiger shot dead.
And everything came to an end.

Nature, bestowed her best
in a land, to make it a paradise.
A paradise, Buddha once touched
with his enlightened thoughts,
buttered non-violence in it’s people.
While it’s people turned insane
of idiom, ethos and soil,
children woke up to
dodgy whispers of death every dawn.
And the paradise turned
insane with it’s people.
Insane, where they slaughtered
men, women and kids
with no exception of age.

‘Budham saranam gachaami’
Chants flew into deep nowhere
long since everything collapsed.
Chants! Chants twisted
into hurtful, damaging slogans.
‘Peace’ became a luxury for it’s people.
Peace! Peace was when
their aggressive enemy would
tremble to death in front of their eyes.
Death! When death is removed for a spur
from one’s life, they found peace for a moment.
Death! Death is here again in another fashion .
Like a game, they played against each other
Slaughtering, shooting, shelling, stabbing
and they found peace for a moment
after each unsafe victory.

Tigers! Tigers all around, darted hungrily
for blood, flesh and triumph.
Tigers! They engraved the pain
of distress, danger and suffering
in their own natives with piercing claws.
Wild and fierce, they scuttled
with red eyes, panting and thirsty.

The paradise, once bliss
now turned remains of a
non-violent, beautiful history.
A past that when to exile
by its own, under the ruined nation.
It’s soil now anesthetised by
the smoke of bombings and shelling.
Wrecked lives, screams of mankind,
pain of the lost and wounded, everywhere.
Everywhere, death showed it’s evil face.
None left with peace, if there is one.

Amidst, never ending cries,
a roar of edict brought smiles.
‘Tiger shot dead.’
Everything came to an end.
Finally! Tiger shot dead.
And everything came to an end.

No more bloodshed and misery;
thirsty for harmony, they urged!
Like a raindrop for a dry land,
Like a handful of rice for the famished,
They longed peace for a while!

Tiger shot dead.
Everything came to an end.
Finally! Tiger shot dead.
And everything came to an end.
Aahh! Bliss, true bliss,
now they know what it means!

Storyteller

2009-07-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

I’m a storyteller.

People circle around me
to listen to my tales of
nostalgia, childhood,
love, hate, lust and
much more than that.

They laugh and cry with the
twists and turns of my stories.
I narrate my stories to all
willing to hear without any judgments.

I need no sympathy
or empathy.
For I just need them
to hear and enjoy the
twists and turns of my life.
So they learn to avoid the
climax, I had at the end !

Secret Whispers

2009-07-17T20:27:00.001-07:00

A touch of breeze …
so soft, so alluring,
it embraced my cheeks,
whispered on my ears.

‘I’m the breeze.
I’m bringing love your way.’

I had been breathless
for years now.
I inhaled the odor
of my voidances till now.

‘I’m ready.
But I’m ready for a
hurricane of love.’

I whispered back.

The breeze passed by
smiling acrimoniously,
knowing it was not what I was seeking.

And I waited for a hurricane of love
knowing it will only last for few hours.
I’m smart
For I knew that secret
why the breeze had smiled at me !

Hide & Seek

2009-07-15T14:57:00.001-07:00

He was speaking
about some website
that’s teaching him
the basic’s of English grammar.

I stared at him.
I was thinking something else.

“You have failed in
the basic grammar of life.”

I wanted to tell him.
But I remained silent.

Then, he spoke about a website of
Indian international poetry.
Probably to get
my interest on the conversation.

I again stared at him.
I was thinking something else.

“You have failed in the
poetry of love and life.”

I wanted to tell him.
But as always,
I remained silent.

And this time, he too
kept quiet.
Knowing my thoughts were
flying far beyond his conversations.

And we both, sat in the pub for hours
not talking to each other.

Just playing ‘hide & seek’
in the silence and darkness of our lives!

Filthy Me

2009-06-03T06:15:00.000-07:00

I smelled of cigarettes.
My hair greasy, my eyes
tired of sleepless nights,
my bad breathe of garlic and
onions, my skin dusty, my fingers
coloured with blue ink, my nails
bitten and unpolished, my sweat
with inflicting odor of rum and whisky,
my body dark and scars scattered
all over. And you said,
‘You are beautiful!’

I simply smiled.
Thought to myself.
‘You are a fool.
You not know how to
approach your
yearning lust to a woman.’
And I smiled again,
blowing the smoke on his face.

Climbing the Rock

2009-06-01T18:38:00.000-07:00

Bit my nails in distress.
Filled my eyes with gloom.
The night was shadowy
creeping on my soul with mystery.
Shuddering my weak body,
I was shuddering out of uncertainty.
I knew, I was helpless;
Helpless of my fear towards
the high and steep dreams.
It stood like a rocky mountain. The dreams seemed like a
mammoth long distinct from earth.
I felt weaker as I walked past it.
Felt numbness on my legs;
a sandstorm in my stomach.
I stood there, watching hours
crawling like a snake on a
polished black granite surface;
myself crawling with time.
Waited until dawn, and the
sun showed up with a bright smile.

I touched the dusty rock
with my urge to climb.
Legs found a break in the rock.
I climbed, with a mission in mind.
I climbed, not to look down.
I climbed, not to look down
at my past, not to fall for it.
I climbed, not to fall for my grieves.

Touched the peak, and climbed over.
Now I looked down and
saw a replica of myself
standing down, still shuddering.
But I felt wonderful, seeing where I was.
I did not look down to fall for my past.

The wild illusion of myself that I
Was seeing down, I laughed at it!

Trickster

2009-06-01T18:36:00.001-07:00

I’m a trickster.
I can trick my beatitude;
Laugh with it for years!
Smile like a flower in the bright sun,
when I’m not able to.
Enjoy like a singer singing to myself,
when I’m not able to.
I’m a trickster.
I can trick my beatitude;
Laugh with it for years!
I’m a trickster.
I can trick my lust;
Groove in it for years!
Close my eyes as in contempt,
though I don’t feel like.
Moan softly to give pleasure,
though I don’t feel like.
I’m a trickster.
I can trick my lust;
Groove in it for years!

I’m a trickster.
I can trick my agony;
Play with it for years!
Cry like a baby with no inhibitions,
though I don’t want to.
Write like I’m insane because of pain,
though I don’t want to.
I’m a trickster.
I can trick my agony;
Play with it for years!

I’m a trickster.
I can trick my life;
Learn from it for years!
Make mistakes and try again,
though I can’t control.
Score well and bury it within,
though I can’t control.
I’m a trickster.
I can trick my life;
Learn from it for years!

I’m a trickster
I can satisfy myself;
Tricking myself with my tricks!

Eyes

2009-06-01T18:34:00.001-07:00

When you looked at me,
I jumped into your shiny eyes.
In that white creamy pool,
I swam for hours,
exploring it’s black deep annular depths.
I played with the soft red and blue
creepers in the creamy pool.
When you looked away
I was drenched by your love.
I longed for you to look at me again.
Your each glance was like
the wild waves hitting a shore.
Left with froths of love,
I bathed in it fancily.
Your eyes stabbed my heart,
took out the hidden desires
with your sharp edged looks.

Now I bleed.
Bleed, for I miss those sparkling eyes.
It never shines like that anymore.
Where has the magic gone, my love?
Did I kill it with my deep sighs,
over the long turmoil years of pain?
Or did you hide it within
your esoteric unexplored voidness?

I beg you.
Let me see that magic in your eyes again.
I beg you.
Only once, if not for me for anyone you feel.
Or don’t you feel it anymore?
I just wish to see that sparkly look.
And I may die peacefully
For your soul shows itself in it !

The Witch

2009-05-27T08:56:00.000-07:00

Dance!
Dance to the joy in life.
And I danced in a trance
absorbing all the beauty around me.
The muttering wind, cold grass,
flying sea gulls, the echo from the shore far,
the warm bon-fire, the grey clouded sky,
the distant folk music, the fresh smell of earth,
All circling my mind.
I danced. Danced in trance!

Nightfall!
Ah, the night so enchanting,
when I opened my eyes.
I was naked like the nature.
The nature, so ready for my spell.
Air, water, fire, earth and my spirit
all invoked to a magic world.
And I was ready to cast my spell.

Spell!
A spell with a magic portion,
so special, so strong.
Herbs picked from the sleeping woods
etherized by the night, a pinch of black salt
to keep away evil, lavender oil to fill it’s fragrance,
crystal melted dew drops carefully taken
from a frozen rose early in the morning
when sun kissed ‘goodbye’ to the stars.

A spell with a magic portion
very carefully prepared.
As I danced in trance,
I took the portion in my hands,
kissed it with my lips, repeating the spell.
And as I held it towards the sky,
I could see the full moon shining
to charge the portion with it’s magic.
And I danced in trance.

It was for the young mistress
at the knighthood mansion,
to attract her love.
Too soon, they got married.
Too soon, all came for me
to cast my spells on others.
Healed, I healed their worries
and sorrows with my magic.
And I danced in trance for
many nights, naked like nature
to charge their portions,
to heal their worries and sorrows.

‘Burn!
Burn her to death alive!’
And I burnt alive frying my flesh,
absorbing all pain within me.
Roars of my villagers, fire eating my flesh,
the heat vaporizing my blood, my hair turning into ashes,
my nails falling down half burnt,
all the pain that was killing me now.
I burnt! Burnt with all that pain.
I tried to stare at the
young mistress with his man,
who was giving orders to burn witches.
She looked at me with rage and hatred now.
Perhaps, she forgot the
magic portion that I gave her.
The magic portion which
brought her love to her!

Burnt! And I burnt alive
frying my flesh until death
blending with fire,
that I invoked for all my spells.

Burnt, I burnt alive until death!

Twilight

2009-05-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

It was twilight, the very twilight that
painters, poets, writers and musicians
never ceased praising through their way of art.
In that very twilight hour
As he lifted me with his arms,
I shrank like a cocoon
clinging on to his bare chest.

As he kissed my forehead with his cold lips,
I went blank like the dark night
Pressing my lips to his soft skin.

I was blank, indeed
Like a larvae inside the shell
in its own world.

In that very twilight hour
As he explored my mounts and shallows
With his thin aimless fingers,
I shivered like a banyan leaf
Burning down my worries beneath me.

As he licked my valley
I arched up my soul like a rainbow
Giving myself to him.

I was shivering, indeed
Like the banyan leaf with
the tunes of the autumn wind.

In that very twilight hour
As he took me over utterly
I slid down like the rainwater
through the pores deep down the earth.

I broke open the shell
and flew like a butterfly
To a new world
with my rainbow wings.

I fell from the top
Still trembling like the banyan leaf
Slowly falling down
with my freedom of thoughts.

In that very twilight hour
As he lay holding me in his arms
I found refuge under his sweating body.
As he smiled at me in peace
I felt the peace inside myself.

I was at refuge, indeed
from all the worries of my life.

It was twilight, the very twilight that
painters, poets, writers and musicians
never ceased praising through their way of art.

Once upon a time....

2009-02-21T17:27:00.000-08:00

There lived a king and his queen.

Their tale of love

spread across the world.

Birds, animals, trees, clouds, people

all talked about their eternal love.

But they lived unaware

that they loved each other

and wanted to live happily together ever after!

This was the end of

an unusual folk tale

that was never read to children on bed

as it din't have a happy end!

Should every love tale

end "happily together ever after???!!!"

'Death'

2008-11-21T10:42:00.000-08:00

Poor little, tiny leaves,

shivering with fear,

trembling to fall down,

as they see the others

being cruelly stamped by people on streets!!!

You thought they were

shivering of the chill wind??

You are mistaken then, my friend.

They are scared of people down!!!

"The Fall of an Apple!!!"

2008-10-27T11:33:00.000-07:00

Autumn,
the time of fall.
Golden leaves
spreading on my lawn.
Barren branches
getting ready for snow.

There stood,
a lonely apple tree.
Emptying herself
to welcome winter.

And I saw,
the last apple fall.
As red as a blush
As shiny as love
'Thud'
it fell on the grass,
blending green with gold
and red on the ground.

Through the window,
I saw the apple fall.
Red and glossy
like my window curtains
drawn to both the sides
only to see, the apple fall.
It rolled only a little
and laid calm on the grass.

Fanciful,
was my mind
in the sunny cold clime.
Bearfooted,
I ran through
the wet uncut grass.

Hold on!!!
A phrase borrowed
not finding the right words.

'On the spur of the moment'
I was down to reality.
Seeing one side of the apple,
rotten and bitten by worms.
Disgusting and filthy, like my life.
Giving itself for birds to feed.
Dying of the pain from bird bites.
Rolled only a little with pain.
Died calmly on the grass.

'Clup'
tears fell from my eyes
flowing down my cheeks
to fall on the rotten apple.

Yea, it was a fall
and that was a rotten apple!!!

'Tagged!!!'

2008-10-17T05:02:00.001-07:00

Eyes
that intruded my heart,
injected the venom of love.
Infected and passive,
I became.
Too strong, his looks
Too weak, I became.

Gentle
as he behaved,
melted my frigid senses.
Insane and anxious,
I became.
Too placid , his gestures
Too sleepless, I became.

Aura
that he bore,
electrified my spirit .
Amazed and dazzled,
I became.
Too vigorous, his energy
Too charged, I became.

Smile
that flowered the mind,
spread my hopes in life.

No more, I would dare to write...
Can't you see?
I'm already tagged by his love!!!

"Cuban Cigar"

2008-09-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

Far, there stood a man,

with a cuban cigar in his hand.

My eyes filled red with respect,

for, he resembled 'Che'...

The urge for bread

became the urge for red,

which was the mass throb,

and it spread across the globe.

Red,

it visioned equality.

It heard danger.

It tasted blood.

It touched the common man.

It breathed freedom, ultimately.

Reminiscing facts,

mesmerically,I walked towards him.

Rippling smoke merged

into nature, not to be seen.

The Cuban cigar,

it's aroma has filled the hearts,

of many generations.

To feel that aroma,

I walked towards him.

But it was not a cuban cigar,

just a normal one.

And he was not a comrade

but just a hypocrite!!!

"Fuck"

2008-06-05T13:38:00.000-07:00

It was a cold night,
and she was in a bar.
She caught my sight,
and I was in her car.
She touched me....
kissed me...
And said,
"Come on honey,fuck me!!!"

Again,
it was a cold night,
and she was my wife.
We had constant fights,
and we had our own rights.
She messed up with me....
shouted at me....
And screamed,
"My life got fucked!!!"

Once more,
it was a cold night.
and she had left my life.
Her thoughts made me sad,
and I was going mad.
I cried for her...
drank for her...
And cursed,
"Fuck you bitch!!!"

"Blue"

2008-06-05T08:35:00.000-07:00

Blue,
was my blood with grief.
Blue,
was my ink in futile.

I tried to hold my pen,
decently as I could,
at that moment.
Eight pegs!!!
It tried to hold my senses,
indecently as it could,
at the same moment.

Tears and blood,
both tasted alike.
So did my
love and hatred.

Scribbling on and on,
tore my love letter.
Like the grudge which
tore apart my love.

Just one letter,
struggled again,
to satisfy my unhealed love.
But the vodka wouldn't give up,
without adding fire to my grudge.

With an incomplete letter and love,
With an eternal grudge and grief,
I died, clotting in my own blood and tears!!!

Blue,
was my blood with grief.
Blue,
was my love with the clots.

"SUNSHINE"

2008-03-28T02:52:00.001-07:00

It was a place
that never saw sun.
A place from
which I wished to run.

Run away!!!
To a land of sunshine.

Heating
my skin,flesh and blood.
Making
energy and spirit, flow like flood.

Run away!!!
To a land of sunshine.

Watching,
dew drops settling on green hoods.
rays of light taking over the woods.
desires of people making groovy moods.

Entwined so much with life,
I could never run.
Fleeting from the darkling land,
I had nothing to be won.

Though I hoped,
someday, sun would shine this end.
And it did!!!

A day,
sun rose ultimately,
giving all the hopes,
that never drops!!!

"Snow"

2008-03-21T20:18:00.001-07:00

A bird,
fluttered it's wings.

Atrocious!!!
Was the snow.
Terminus!!!
Was far away.

Poor thing,
it trembled in air.
Causing to
go with the wind.

Still,
it fought, hushed up.

Perpetual!!!
Was the weather.
Sempiternal!!!
Was when it would cease.

Pathos,
to it's condition.
Fading into
the snow for ever.

The bird was me.
The snow was grief.

"My Hubby's Love"

2008-03-18T09:07:00.000-07:00

Finally,
got married!!!

I love him.
He also loved.

I saw my entire world,
in his sparkling eyes....
Oh! what a life indeed!!!

His love,
swirled up the blood.
So intense,
enchanting,
drilling bones,
caring,
overwhelming,
potent,
and what not!!!

Wait a minute!!!

You thought he loved me???
Well, my hubby loved his love.

I should be sad,
desperate.
Aah!!! what a pain indeed!!!

Still, I smiled.
For I loved him!!!

"A Unique Composition"

2008-03-17T12:22:00.000-07:00

A musician, once...

composed pain and love!!!

A wonderful piece of work!!!

Compiled into a melancholic melody...

from

the beats of my heart,
the rhythm of my thoughts,
the tempo of my breathe,
the hum of my sobs,
the notations of my poetry.

The music flowed...
from his heart but never reached mine!!!

Probing for that flow of love...
I never found it!!!

Though wanted it badly...
It was never found!!!

But it was heard...
as an eternal reverberation of my love!!!

'Pravda'

2008-01-21T06:55:00.000-08:00

'Pravda'*
my baby girl was named.
There she lied,
in front of me...
the beauty of the world.

Tiny legs beating the cruelty.
Tiny hands pointing the reality.

"Did he love you ever???"
People asked.
'Yes', I avowed.
"This is the truth of our love!!!"

"Pravda" - is the name of the newspaper in the communist Russia which means 'Truth'

"Spark"

2008-01-20T12:23:00.000-08:00

A spark,
flicked by your love.
Melodies you made,
danced with my heart
The spark,
it grew into flames.
Turned intense,
by partaking our secrets.
The flames,
caught up the fire around...
In the centre of it,
sweating, bosoming, we stood.
The fire,
was heating up with carks.
Still we stood tight to another.

The heat,
burnt us live with love.
Still we stood static.
The wildfire,
melting you in my arms

My stang,
was heavy but only you melt down.
Your love
sticking on to my nous.

Me,
survived equal to death.

The ashes,
all I have left now
is of your eternal love!!!

Life is beautiful!!!

2008-01-20T10:06:00.000-08:00

Too weird at times...
Called life!!!
Some feel,
"Did I really wanted it this way???"
Still it flows,
but through a different path...
Forced by the nameless
called the God,
like a sleepwalk through that path
There we go!!!
Bit by bit, in the gurgle of time
Eyes love all that come across us....

And we say, "Life is beautiful!!!"

Together No More!!!

2008-01-16T12:45:00.001-08:00

Still loved,
lived
but together no more...
Each time
They saw one another
Eyes got hooked....
Stared every time
but when the other was not gandering....
Spoke often,
keeping the "needed" buried in their hearts...
Helped each other,
voluntarily but not giving thanks....

The urge to open up at times,
was waived away...
As then the fire cannot be set.
Even when wished,
No longer they could do things together.
At heart,
they lived united, but far in the world's eye.
Still loved, longed,lived
but together no more!!!

"The Walk"

2008-01-14T07:27:00.000-08:00

I had a dinner,
which was heavy that
I came out of home, for a walk....

I looked at the sky
to see the blackness in my mind
I was eased when
the stars twinkling at me told
that I was not alone in this world!!!!

I looked around,
Saw the pine trees were
swamped in dew from heaven.
Wished to get drenched like one
That's when,
my eyes caught a couple
petting under a pine...

My buddy once said,
People are on aimless hunts
Eyeballs diddering in the crowd
as to find somebody but nobody.
Am I on an open eyes hunt this night????
Thank you my friend, for what you taught.

Heading home,
the sky was 'red n yellow'
winning over the black
painting mind with hopes...

As I slid through the door
couldn't stop looking at the sky once more.
And once again I felt...
I'm not alone in this world!!!!

'You' n 'Me'

2007-12-16T10:27:00.000-08:00

"Out of the blue,you fell on my laps...
You were sobbing,your hands close to your chest...
I ran my fingers through your hair.
You felt relieved,dint you?
As your tears made my thighs wet,
my teardrops were finding refuge on your forehead...
We both sobbed and caressed for hours...
You turned your face and stared at my eyes...
They were glittering, as if i accepted your silent proposal...
Soon your sorrows pressed my lips, so did mine on your's...
Our life blossomed on our sorrows!!!

Journey of tears!!!

2007-12-16T10:26:00.002-08:00

Thunder fighting with lightning...
A war in which victory was ultimately for the monsoon
It was monsoon and the rain was drenching
the earth, my village, my house
The monsoon was drenching me and my life
With it's each drop over me,
I was feeling heavy, tamped down into the earth
Each drop was injecting sweet poison
of love and pain over me...
I stood there for hours
My tears were merging into the rain
shooting for the sea at the end...
where it would join the salty tears
of a million people!!!
The monsoon would take
each drop of somebody’s tear
to mould the sea...
The final destination of sorrows
which harmoniously surround the globe...
which taste the salt of tears forever and ever
till the world exists!!!!

"Flooded with sorrows!!!"

2007-12-16T10:26:00.001-08:00

My sorrows are
raining outside since so many days...
Amma said,
"It's a rainy day again!!!"
I could hear the splattering of water,
the stormy wind hitting my windows,
frogs croaking and so on....
How could I tell Amma,
It's my sorrows pouring down heavily...
I watched the rain from
behind the bars of my window.

I dont have a "Sukhoi" to fight
my emotions with a poem!!!
'Sukhoi' is a fighter plane
said a poet once!!!
I wondered,
"Can a Sukhoi solve the trouble of love in life???"
"Rubbish", I uttered....
To hell with the Sukhoi and the poet,
let them fight it out themselves!!!

Let me rain my vexes, my sorrows.....
The rain continued till it flooded!!!
I was floating now....
On my feeling that created the rain,
like a blue deadbody,swollen up
with worms coming out of the mouth,
fishes biting the frozen flesh...

Slowly,very slowly....
there was no more rain...
It came to an end.
Everything came to an end!!!